— People often come to therapy because of family issues or difficulties in their close relationships. Such difficulties can stem from our family of origin, or they can arise in newly developed family systems. On this page I would like to give you some information about what family therapy can look like.

What is a family system?

First of all, the smallest ‘family system’ consists of 2 people, such as a couple’s relationship or 2 siblings living together. Often, a family system—how we typically understand it—consists of several family members of different generations: Intimate partners, their parents, sometimes children, half-siblings, step-parents, and so on.

A work or school environment also represents a system, similar to a family. Here too, we encounter different roles: managers, supervisors, coworkers, temp workers, janitors, assistant teachers, peers, etc.

Of course, there are many other systems, such as cultural societies, ethnical groups, or a cluster of belief systems that we have developed over time, just to name a few. Because a system is not limited to existing only within a family, we also speak of Systems Therapy or Systemic Therapy, instead of Family Therapy. This also means that you don’t have to bring your family to sessions with you. You can participate in Family Therapy or Systems Therapy as a single individual.

 

Family Therapy

In Family Therapy (or Systemic Therapy) we look at the different elements within a system—the various roles and rules, their functions and purposes, hierarchies, boundaries and limitations, and their impact on other elements within the system.

In sessions, we commonly deal with our external family system, but very often also with our internal system. This internal system is made of various parts, ingrained beliefs, somatic experiences, emotions, habitual patterns, etc. 

Through active exploration and self-reflection we learn to better understand our own system. You may have heard of ‘parts work’ or ‘Ego State’ therapy. Here we can, for instance, identify and explore parts that motivate us, as well as parts that hold us back.

Now, what happens if one element within the system changes? How does a relationship change, if one person starts believing that they, in fact, do deserve love? Or if a parent is no longer willing to enable the son’s eating disorder or the spouse’s gambling problem? What impact does it have on a child—and the entire system—when a parent becomes ill, unemployed, incarcerated? 

The Systemic Board

The Systemic Board is a therapeutic tool that provides an objective and safe environment. On the board, different parts, rules, and patterns can be explored through introspective reflection.

With the therapist’s guidance, the client chooses representatives of their system from a variety of wooden elements. The exploration phase brings light to the inner workings of the system. From there, once attainable goals are identified, new ways of interacting can be practiced and further developed, leading to lasting changes in the system.

Why, for instance, has it become ‘normal’ for some family members to view little Joe as the ‘troublemaker’? Or what does it feel like to move closer to the mother? What changes occur in a classroom system, if one of the peers stands with their bullied classmate? And what might happen, if a 45 year old begins to express what their inner 6 year old never could?

Why the Systemic Board is so great

The Systemic Board is a great tool that offers almost endless opportunities. So too, the visual and tactile experience allows us to come into more contact with our emotions and our physical sensations.

Exploring the board is a creative process, during which we can engage ‘cognitive’ and ’emotional’ parts.

The board can help us to:

• explore motivation for change and enhance self-esteem
• develop new resources, visualize goals, and strengthen intent
• get in touch with own emotions and acknowledge own needs
  
• become aware of attachment styles
• explore multi-generational patterns within a family system
• understand healthy and unhealthy dynamics and communication patterns
• express what still needs to be said (such as feelings of love, hurt, or grief)
• explore symptoms such as self-injury, eating disorders, or depression
• work on healthy boundaries